The open road

What roads have brought you to today? What new roads will you be taking this year?

Formally, the new year begins at the stroke of midnight tonight – leaving me exactly 2.5 hours to finish writing my list of goals for the next year. I do this somewhat halfheartedly for the truth is September always feels like the start of the new year to me (maybe due to years of always starting a new school year?) so my December 31st musings seem more like a mid-year recap.

Regardless, I still think it’s important to review where I’ve been and where I’d like to go. I find the act of physically writing slows down our thought process – it forces us to take the time to ruminate more deeply about what it is we are writing, and the why’s and how’s behind our thoughts. Following this good advice I’ve created two “top five” lists…one reflecting the past year, and one outlining the year to come: 

2011: Roads to Today

1. Started a second business and discovered skills in a previously unexplored creative area
2. Experienced times of emotional upheaval and life chaos that brought about a new outlook on life, changing some of the goals and ideas previously held
3. Able to spend considerable more amounts of time with my two lovely nieces, deepening our already close relationship
4. Had a beautiful summer that allowed me to baste myself into a deep tan, while working at the same time
5. Re-evaluated my long term goals and drastically revised my three year goal (which leads me into my 2012 list…)

2012: Roads to Tomorrow

1. Meet New People – with the underlying goal being one of these new people had better be Mr. Right because I’ve had enough of the Mr. Right-Now’s
2. Join a community theatre group and participate  on stage, or behind stage
3. Faithfully practice my Spanish – and find a tutor to practice with – so that I’m reasonably fluent in time for me to move to a Spanish speaking country for 3 months next winter
4. Complete my latest “book in progress” and improve my marketing and public relations skills
5. Join a gym to drop these now more-than-pesky 20 pounds I’ve packed on since I quit smoking
6. Not die at at the end of the Mayan calendar (just kidding)

When I look at these lists somehow the last year seems to have been not that exciting. Truthfully, it was really more of a year spent in self-reflection and a goodly amount of time was spent on changing myself for the better from the inside out. To put it simply, it was the year I practiced introversion.

Then I look at my list for 2012 and it simply screams “Extroversion!!” I think that will prove to be the biggest change of all. Because life is an open road…we can choose how fast to drive, which direction to go, and what side-road adventures we may want to explore. Sometimes the winds of change blow so strong that we are more or less required to change directions and use a different road than we had planned on – and who knows? We may get better mileage on that new road. We may experience situations we never expected on that new road. We may meet new people we’d have never otherwise met. Me? On my new road I fully expect to meet drop dead gorgeous Mr. Right standing beside his Harley holding a sign that says “Karen or bust” (heck, I’m willing to run him over if that’s what it takes to introduce myself)  and then it’ll be an adventure-for-two from there on in

Question(s) of the Day: do you make lists? Do you follow them? Why or why not? Do they motivate you or depress you?

It’s Christmas Day

גרייס, חמלה, אהבה. הוא איתנו. תמיד.

Christmas can be many things to many people…it can be loud, quiet, boisterous, reserved, filled with cheer, or filled with unspeakable loneliness. Huh? you ask, how can you be lonely when you’re surrounded by people beaming with holiday happiness?

It’s a reality for many. For the first time in my life I would be perfectly content to bypass the whole holiday scene and drop my lonesome butt on a beach somewhere instead. I find loneliness easier to bear when I’m literally by myself. It’s much harder to bear loneliness when surrounded by hordes of chattering, cheerful people. I must say there are times I feel a bit like Gollum – two halves of me talking to each other – one side says “…it’s not so bad, the kids are fun to be around, the food is fab…”, the other side says “…get out, run! and don’t look back…”

We feel alone. We feel adrift in a world that we’re somehow out of sync with. We are drained by the energy it takes to paste a smile on our face while hiding the vast loneliness in our heart. But know this. You are NOT alone. You ARE loved. I love you. God loves you. I may not know you, but in the simple act of reading this, we are connected – we are part of the same heart, however briefly.

I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m only human (I know…shocking isn’t it?) and I’ve learned to give myself some private time to let my holiday smile slide off my face and work through the maze of emotions coursing through me. Then it’s time to balance out the sad/glad scales…I sit down and purposefully record on paper (it makes things so much more tangible to write them down instead of just thinking them) every single blessing that’s come my way…from parking spaces in crowded parking lots to people who have willingly held me up while I faced some of my biggest challenges yet.

So today I say to you: Be Blessed! Blessed with peace. Blessed with hope, courage and faithfulness to move in the direction you are called. Blessed with honour and bravery to do what you know is right. Blessed with so much love that it overflows your soul and lights up your very self from the inside out. Blessed with kindness for others…and for yourself.  Blessed with such joy that laughter wells up from within and surrounds you with a cloak of happiness. May you be blessed and wrapped in the grace and mercy of God today and every day…Merry Christmas!

Finding your bridge

A nice Scottish lad wearing nothing but a kilt and a killer accent? You'd best be moving out of the way or risk being trampled as I cross that bridge in a heartbeat.

Have you ever felt like you really don’t belong where – or when – you are? That somehow, “real” life is happening in a parallel universe? We chafe at that separation…we struggle to bring into focus fleeting images seen only from the corner of our eye, our heart hears the echo of horns, a haunting call from a different world and we yearn to answer that call. There are days our very soul cries out in its need to reach out and breach the gulf – to discover if today is the day we finally get to take our place in our “real” life and become our “real” selves.

It reminds me of the movie Brigadoon (see full synopsis here) where the magic of Scotland (and a lovely stone bridge) allows a most handsome Gene Kelly to cross over into an enchanted world. For a brief time, he crosses that thin separation between “here” and “there”. There are days I truly think I’m in the wrong place and time, and wish that I, not unlike Gene Kelly, could simply cross a bridge into the world I seek in my dreams, the world my heart tells me exists…somewhere, sometime.

What if I could cross that bridge and step into my ‘right’ self? Would I do it? Would I leave everything behind and irrevocably take on a new life? Would I in turn do great things and have no regrets? I imagine that I would live a most extraordinary life in a world where bravery, loyalty and honour were of highest value.

The wanderings of a vivid imagination can take you many places and I admittedly have always devoured books that deal with time travel and imaginary old worlds (I blame Tolkien, Donaldson and a few others for feeding my fearless imagination). In the event that you were wondering what you were going to read over the Christmas holidays, here are a few of my long-time favourite books that will take you on an adventure to wonderful, magical lands. And while you’re reading, I’d like to think I’ll be in Scotland looking for my very own Brigadoon bridge

Here are a few starters for you:

(if you’re able, please buy these at your local independent bookstore and support your community!)

Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (synopsis)

The Mirror of  Her Dreams / A Man Rides Through by Stephen Donaldson (synopsis)

The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley (synopsis)

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (synopsis)