Change your comfort zone...expand your life.

There are days that I definitely feel that my “live dangerously” factor has seriously plummeted. Days when I’m scared that I’m fast becoming mired in the complacency of middle age. Days when it’s just easier to not do what I know needs doing (procrastination can sometimes be a good thing, but let’s face it… most times it’s not). Days when I question if I have the energy left to instigate the changes required in order to meet my three year plan.

I spent some time thinking about why I felt this way and it came down to this: Fear (and not the healthy kind). That’s it. Plain and simple. Do I like this answer? Not particularly. And the deeper question is, why does “live dangerously” foster fear and hesitation now, unlike before?

Sometimes change is hard and it’s just easier to keep on plodding along the way we are, where we are. Fear is the master of disguise – “Better the devil we know than the devil we don’t” – and it becomes such an insidious habit that we don’t notice (or we get really good at making a whole pile of excuses) until our dreams get sent to the back row in the theatre of life. We “settle”.

So I look at acknowledging this fear in my life as a good thing – because I’ve identified it and it no longer has any strength and influence when exposed in the light of day. The determination to live free of these fears drives me to say “YES” to new adventures like the one I’m starting in two weeks…moving 8 hours down the road (and as my Norwegian friend always tells me…it’s obvious I’m Canadian because I measure distance in hours, not kilometers) to take on a new project for the next twelve months. It creates a bit of initial chaos, but the possibilities are endless as to what this project will bring into my life.

As I’m still willing to shake things up (especially if it’s a martini, but I digress) and step outside my current comfort zone I would have to say that, for the moment at least, I’m safe from complacency

Question of the Day: what holds you back and why?

גרייס, חמלה, אהבה. הוא איתנו. תמיד.

Christmas can be many things to many people…it can be loud, quiet, boisterous, reserved, filled with cheer, or filled with unspeakable loneliness. Huh? you ask, how can you be lonely when you’re surrounded by people beaming with holiday happiness?

It’s a reality for many. For the first time in my life I would be perfectly content to bypass the whole holiday scene and drop my lonesome butt on a beach somewhere instead. I find loneliness easier to bear when I’m literally by myself. It’s much harder to bear loneliness when surrounded by hordes of chattering, cheerful people. I must say there are times I feel a bit like Gollum – two halves of me talking to each other – one side says “…it’s not so bad, the kids are fun to be around, the food is fab…”, the other side says “…get out, run! and don’t look back…”

We feel alone. We feel adrift in a world that we’re somehow out of sync with. We are drained by the energy it takes to paste a smile on our face while hiding the vast loneliness in our heart. But know this. You are NOT alone. You ARE loved. I love you. God loves you. I may not know you, but in the simple act of reading this, we are connected – we are part of the same heart, however briefly.

I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m only human (I know…shocking isn’t it?) and I’ve learned to give myself some private time to let my holiday smile slide off my face and work through the maze of emotions coursing through me. Then it’s time to balance out the sad/glad scales…I sit down and purposefully record on paper (it makes things so much more tangible to write them down instead of just thinking them) every single blessing that’s come my way…from parking spaces in crowded parking lots to people who have willingly held me up while I faced some of my biggest challenges yet.

So today I say to you: Be Blessed! Blessed with peace. Blessed with hope, courage and faithfulness to move in the direction you are called. Blessed with honour and bravery to do what you know is right. Blessed with so much love that it overflows your soul and lights up your very self from the inside out. Blessed with kindness for others…and for yourself.  Blessed with such joy that laughter wells up from within and surrounds you with a cloak of happiness. May you be blessed and wrapped in the grace and mercy of God today and every day…Merry Christmas!

A nice Scottish lad wearing nothing but a kilt and a killer accent? You'd best be moving out of the way or risk being trampled as I cross that bridge in a heartbeat.

Have you ever felt like you really don’t belong where – or when – you are? That somehow, “real” life is happening in a parallel universe? We chafe at that separation…we struggle to bring into focus fleeting images seen only from the corner of our eye, our heart hears the echo of horns, a haunting call from a different world and we yearn to answer that call. There are days our very soul cries out in its need to reach out and breach the gulf – to discover if today is the day we finally get to take our place in our “real” life and become our “real” selves.

It reminds me of the movie Brigadoon (see full synopsis here) where the magic of Scotland (and a lovely stone bridge) allows a most handsome Gene Kelly to cross over into an enchanted world. For a brief time, he crosses that thin separation between “here” and “there”. There are days I truly think I’m in the wrong place and time, and wish that I, not unlike Gene Kelly, could simply cross a bridge into the world I seek in my dreams, the world my heart tells me exists…somewhere, sometime.

What if I could cross that bridge and step into my ‘right’ self? Would I do it? Would I leave everything behind and irrevocably take on a new life? Would I in turn do great things and have no regrets? I imagine that I would live a most extraordinary life in a world where bravery, loyalty and honour were of highest value.

The wanderings of a vivid imagination can take you many places and I admittedly have always devoured books that deal with time travel and imaginary old worlds (I blame Tolkien, Donaldson and a few others for feeding my fearless imagination). In the event that you were wondering what you were going to read over the Christmas holidays, here are a few of my long-time favourite books that will take you on an adventure to wonderful, magical lands. And while you’re reading, I’d like to think I’ll be in Scotland looking for my very own Brigadoon bridge

Here are a few starters for you:

(if you’re able, please buy these at your local independent bookstore and support your community!)

Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (synopsis)

The Mirror of  Her Dreams / A Man Rides Through by Stephen Donaldson (synopsis)

The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley (synopsis)

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (synopsis)

Real questions refuse to be placated. They barge into your life at the times when it seems most important for them to stay away. ~ Ingrid Bengis

I can always tell when I’m on the edge of momentous change. What makes me so prescient? you ask. I know because every time my life has geared up to take a 90 degree turn at 100 miles an hour I am overwhelmed, compelled, obsessed – by questions, questions, and more questions. I question my dreams, my confidence, my skills, why I haven’t done greater things with my life, my emotional landscape, my financial situation, my potential, the steps needed take to make change occur…

I find these questions are such in their ferocity that my mind starts vibrating like a jackhammer…non-stop really (and thankfully usually reduced to a dull roar once I’ve reached the other side of change unscathed). But there are always one or two questions that become prominent. They stick their busy little noses into not only my waking hours, but interfere in perfectly good escapism by insinuating themselves into my dreamworld as well.

I do my best to create ‘real-time’ answers to these questions because I believe that the energy of change never allows us to find final answers to our most compelling questions. That which compels us will never be fully satisfied with our meager attempts at a ‘final’ solution. Instead, we must seek real-time answers that will allow us to break free from the cramped pot that is currently limiting us.

We can be revitalized by change and continue to grow, or we can curl up our roots, refuse to water our souls and wither in a pot that was never made to hold us forever. So whom do you choose to be? The one who chooses to evade confinement in a worn-out pot? Or the one who chooses to close eyes and heart in willful blindness because it’s easier than changing pots?

Me? I appreciate being in clay pots – they break easily and as long as I’m willing to create a bit of a temporary mess, I have complete confidence that I will always land up in a spacious new pot

Question of the Day:  What has cracked (or is cracking) your pot?

Isaiah 40:31 -but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

It takes faith to fly – even Peter Pan knew that. Using the winds of change to soar like an eagle gives you a broader perspective. The higher you are, the greater your range of vision. Macro vs. micro. Big vs. little. An eagle can sense the storm coming and makes plans to use the potentially destructive forces to its advantage. The key here? The eagle doesn’t moan about impending danger and doom. The eagle sees it as an advantage, the chance to soar higher than it may have otherwise chosen. The eagle uses the storm to renew its strength by letting the wind do the work. And the eagle’s skill is such that it can use the wind to find its way to fly above the storm – out of harm’s reach. The eagle chooses to embrace the gifts and opportunities it has been given within the very framework of destruction, and finds freedom -  and a new life path – in the process.

Take refuge in the strength of hope as you take your figurative “step off the cliff” (willing or not) knowing that you’re either about to learn to fly or someone’s about to catch you

Question of the Day: what puts the wind beneath your wings? (other than Bette Midler that is…)

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.~ Leo Buscaglia.

It’s November. I’ve been away from my writing for too long. I apologize to the masses (nothing like thinking positive) for having landed here and only finding dated ruminations.

This past while has been a steep climb for me. A time of a despairing heart, a heart weakened and wounded by others…and by my own hand. By life situations that I find absurd and frustrating because I cannot make those situations go away – to make things better for these people I love.

I have stumbled on this climb – I have thought unkind thoughts and allowed resentment and anger to steal my joy and peace. I have wept tears in fear, frustration, and loneliness while I have swallowed words I so desperately wanted to say, but did not. I have gathered together the tattered remnants of unselfishness as best I can in order to be brave for another.

Through this process I’ve discovered something interesting…my bandaged heart works better than my pristine, controlled one ever did. I do believe that having crossed one of the more difficult emotional landscapes of my life thus far has added steel to my spine and reinforced my already legendary willpower into something stronger than I ever suspected it could be. Now, if I could only apply that willpower to walking away from all the post-Halloween chocolate…

Question of the Day: how do you hold your heart together?

Who's on your list?

A few days ago – smack in the middle of doing umpteen other things all at the same time – a thought popped into my head…if I could pick 10 people to spend a day with, who would they be and why? Now, this sounds like a simple question, but in truth, the selections we pick ultimately reflect our personality, our goals, dreams, and desires. For example, my list started off something like this:

1. Alexander McCall Smith. Why? Brilliant man. Ethics expert. Musical. Writer extraordinaire. Fabulous sense of humour. Great conversationalist. I can only imagine the philosophical discussions one could have with such a well-rounded, informed individual. Bottom line, I’d learn something new and have fun doing it.

2. Albert Bandura. Why? Brilliant man. Father of social cognitive theory. Born in Mundare (good fellow Albertan!). Again, I’m drawn to the potential philosophical/theoretical conversations you could have with this man. I imagine I could even be rendered speechless, just taking it all in (yes, yes, I’m aware of all my friends postulating that hell will have indeed frozen over if I was somehow rendered speechless for any length of time…).

3. Keanu Reeves. Why? Duh….he’s gorgeous. But I also think that he could very well be the perfect example of “still waters run deep”…after all, the man has read all of Proust.  I’d just like to have the opportunity to find out if I’m right or not.

It took me the better part of the night to finish writing my list. As I was looking it over, I realized that there were some common denominators in my selections. First and foremost, my desire to learn is paramount. If I could only spend a day picking the brains of these intelligent, far-seeing, brilliant people, just think how much I could learn! And then there was obvious point #2: good looking men In my own defense, I’m not completely shallow as there were other areas such as creativity, art, music, and nature that showed themselves to be equally important.

I encourage you to make your own Top Ten list and then take time to reflect on your list. Who do you see there? Why are they on your list? What is your perceived value of these people? Why do you value the areas you will identify as important and meaningful?

The results can be a whole lot of food for thought, but it’s an interesting way to look a bit deeper into ourselves and have a bit of fun doing it. And to add yet another variation into the process, why is it you ranked your choices in the order you did? Hmmmm, I wonder if I just created a whole new Jungian self-awareness exercise…

Question of the Day: Yay for you, no question today! You have your homework assignment – just let me know how it turned out for you!

October always seems to arrive in such a rush, with the last token days of September being transformed with colder nights, leaves that turn colour overnight and the barest hint of frost found left on the car come morning (and why is it that Halloween bite-sized candy is landing on store shelves earlier and earlier every year – to the detriment of my diet plan I may add – but I digress).

It’s also a busy month…my sister and dad have birthdays, we have to fit in a monsterous (sigh…couldn’t resist the pun) family gathering for Thanksgiving, and it takes the better part of the month to finish up Halloween costumes!

To us as kids, Halloween was always just a costume party…the chance to get dressed up and hit the streets, going door to door “begging” for treats. We could hardly wait to get out there, because the faster we ran between houses, the bigger the haul of candy we’d end up with in our pillowcase candy sacks.

Making our costumes was always the most fun. We’d plot for weeks – months even – beforehand, designing our masterpiece and figuring out how we were going to make it happen (it must be noted that Mom’s sewing skills were a definite advantage!) always keeping in mind that, here in the Canadian prairies, all costumes must be designed to fit over a snow suit because one would inevitably be either walking through snow or at least through freezing temperatures by the end of October.

Being able to look back on experiences like this is a good reminder that imagination is something we should strive to keep close at hand. Why do we allow the instinctive creativity of childhood to be muted as we get older? And how can we unleash our imagination and creativity back into its raw state – to release its full potential – as adults? Yes…these are questions not only to be thought upon, but acted upon!

JibJab plays into my creative endeavors so nicely…we may not all be in the same place to costume up anymore, but thanks to JibJab, I can put the whole family in costume together..and we can even rap!

Question of the Day: how did you express yourself creatively as a child?

The Last Human on Earth: Exciting or Terrifying?

I love Mondays. Now, that’s a statement that goes against the crowd isn’t it? I love Mondays because those are the days I get to spend precious hours with my most brilliant, imaginative, creative niece. One of our topics of discussion today was a freaky dream I had last week – I dreamt I was the last human being on earth. Not surprisingly, we discussed at great length what our first three steps should be in such an unlikely event.

Now keep in mind she’s only seven…she immediately suggested collecting books to have information at hand. If we had ever questioned her DNA (which we never have), this statement alone would identify her as part of my genetic clan. Being me, I quiz her yet further…what kind of books? concerning what topics? (ok, so I may be a bit of a taskmaster auntie). She had great ideas and truthfully, we had pretty much the same top three, with mine only slightly more detailed.

It was a most interesting conversation – one that kept us occupied for the better part of two hours off and on. And now I sit – hours later – mulling over the concept of finding myself as the last person on Earth. How would it feel to be utterly devoid of human companionship? Take a minute and seriously try to imagine what it would feel like. How quiet would things around you get? Would you feel afraid, even though there was literally no one left to come bursting through your unlocked door to murder you in your bed? (sorry, shades of my grandmother’s safety warnings coming through) Imagine the burgeoning silence as the environment reorganizes itself: the fridge stops whirring, the TV no longer works, computers are about as useful as paperweights, no sirens in the distance, the cacophony of construction zones now just a distant memory. The change in air quality as pollution caused by traffic on roads and in the air slowly dissipates.  The urgent need to learn a whole new set of survival skills (unless of course, you’re already living a self-sustaining lifestyle in which case you being the only human left is probably a dream come true instead of a precursor to your heart giving out in a panic attack) echoing the lifestyle of the pioneers of old.

It may be a fanciful exercise to imagine what I’ve just suggested, but consider this: there are people all around us in our everyday lives consumed by unbearable loneliness, who may very well feel like they’re the last person on Earth. Perhaps this is the week we need to take a longer, deeper look at the people we meet and – even if it’s using something as simple as a smile – work towards creating once again a humanity who knows their neighbours. A humanity who cares about each other. A humanity who reaches out a hand to help, not to push away. A humanity who can come together to create good and positive things in our increasingly fractured world. I double-dog-dare you to smile brightly at everyone you see this week…and take note of the variations in the expressions of those people…the shock factor alone will make it a worthwhile experiment! 

Question of the Day: if you were the last person on Earth, what would be the first three things you would do?